John Hurt? John Hurt Who?

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE DOCTOR WHO SERIES 7 FINALE. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

'Oh, no! I feel a massive reveal coming up on my left!'

Like many of you, when it was revealed at the end of 'The Name of the Doctor' that John Hurt was going to be playing the Doctor, I was all like, WTF?!?!?  Let's review all the possibilties for what's going on here.

The 'Real' 9th Doctor
Probably the most popular  rumour going around says that Christopher Eccelston was actually the 10th Doctor, and that the Time Lord had a regeneration in between him and Paul McGann who actually did all the dirty work during the Time War. I don't much like this blantant rewriting of the continuity (as opposed to the whoops-it's-been-fifty-years-hey-you-try-to-remember-everything accidental type), but I have a feeling, given the prevalence of this theory and things John Hurt has actually said, that it might be true. However, if the current Doctor denies that, though they may be the same Time Lord, he isn't the Doctor, why was Hurt credited as 'The Doctor'?

The Doctor's Original Incarnation
Or at least a pre-Hartnell Doctor. It would be really interesting, wouldn't it, if William Hartnell was the first Doctor, but that he'd had other regenerations before that, especially if all his travelling through time and space was to attone for what the other(s) had done. 'Brain of Morbius' did imply that there were Doctors we hadn't seen, after all.

The Next Doctor
Now that we know Matt Smith is leaving, wouldn't it be amazing if they cast John Hurt as the next one?? Too much to hope for, though.

A Future Doctor
He could just be a possible future Doctor, and seeing him could potentially mess up his own time stream. However, the current Doctor's reaction suggests that there is a lot more to his dislike of the Hurt regeneration than just some wibbly wobbly timey wimeyness. Which leads me to....

A Potential Regeneration That the Doctor Does Not Want to Happen
Say the Doctor knows, through contact with him or others who know of him, that if a certain thing happens, then he will regenerate a certain way, and that will be bad. Very bad. The Doctor's apparent dislike of his Hurt regeneration could be because he's afraid that is what he will turn into. And who would the Doctor not like to become?

The Valeyard


'Look, it doesn't make sense to me, either, and it's my own plan!'

Yes, the guy from 'The Trial of a Time Lord' who tries to have the Doctor killed! The version of the Doctor that spins off of his final regeneration and is so evil even the Master fears him. They did drop a reference to him in 'The Name of the Doctor', after all...

A Valeyard-like Character
It would be a bit hard to explain what the Valeyard is doing back after he got trapped in the Matrix (not that one) at the end of 'Trial', but what if something similar happened when the 8th Doctor regenerated?  One version stayed the Doctor (Eccelston) and went around doing normal Doctor things, but the other version (Hurt) did all the ruthless stuff needed to destroy two civilizations and end the Time War. Well, I think it's interesting, anyway.

The Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey 9th Doctor
Christopher Eccelston is the 9th Doctor we know, but what if when the Great Intelligence went back into the Doctor's time stream, he messed things up, changed time, and this is the 9th Doctor that happened instead.  Based on some things John Hurt has said, I think this might even be more of a possibility than the whole Eccelston-is-really-the-10th thing. And, given that it actually deals with the consquences of messing with time, of the two options, I prefer this one.

Alternative Universe Doctor
Hurt could be the Doctor that could have happened had something else not happened. Like, since we're so hung up on him being the 9th Doctor, he could be the Doctor as he would have been had he not met Rose.  Or even had he not left Gallifrey in the first place.

Parallel Universe Doctor
Sounds the same but isn't. An alternative universe is a 'what if' universe, whereas parallel is one that runs along side and has slight (or major) variations on ours. Just like Pete's World has its Metacrisis Doctor, maybe there's another universe that has John Hurt as it's Doctor. However, running into a parallel version of oneself doesn't seem all that dangerous (see:  Mickey/Ricky), so why would our universe Doctor seem to dislike this one so much? And, if he were essentially a different Time Lord, what's he doing our Doctor's time stream?

The Metacrisis Regeneration
I've heard this theory a few times on the internet.  Matt Smith's Doctor actually dies, and so the Metacrisis Doctor comes back from Pete's World and regenerates into the next one.  However, given that the Doctor explicitly stated that Metacrisis Doctor can't regenerate, this is mostly wishful thinking by people who want more Tennant. Although, if you're going to mess with continuity, you might as well go all in....

But is it really Sylvester McCoy??

The Other
In some of the spin-off novels, it is said that Time Lord society was founded by Rassilon, Omega, and a mysterious person known only as 'The Other.' When the other two went mad with power (or something like that) The Other threw himself into the Matrix (again, not that one), and it is implied that, sometime in the future, he was re-loomed (apparently Time Lords can't have sex, they must be woven) as the Doctor. I doubt they would actually make John Hurt The Other, especially since if they did, fans would hunt Steven Moffat down with pitchforks.  Which they might do anyway, but still.

A Total Cop-out
Remember when it was announced that David Tennant would be leaving after the specials, and that the next Christmas special was going to be called 'The Next Doctor'? And the trailer had David Morrissey in it doing all sorts of Doctor-ish things? And we all thought 'OMG! David Morrissey is going to be the next Doctor!' And then it turned out he was just some bloke who thought he was the Doctor? Yeah, this. Honestly, I wouldn't put it past Moffat to make the whole 'Introducing John Hurt as the Doctor' thing an elaborate trick like this. I mean, we never did learn the Doctor's name during 'The Name of the Doctor', now, did we?

River Song Is--Spoilers!

There’s been a lot of speculation by Doctor Who fans these last few years about the identity of the Doctor’s sort-or companion River Song. Tomorrow night, those of us on the west side of the Pond (no pun intended) finally get to find out who she is. Here is a recap of some possibilities*.

Oh, and anyone who already knows… keep it to yourself or I will sick the Daleks on you.

Romana/Susan/the Rani/another random Time Lady. It is a possibility, but she’d have to be using a Chameleon Arch, and that’s been done. Anyway, it’s a lot of wishful thinking by people who want to bring these characters back.

Doctor’s wife. Likely. We’ve gotten a lot of hints about this, though with Moffat, who the hell knows if he’s trying to mislead us. But the question remains, is she the Doctor’s first wife (Susan’s grandmother) or has he gotten remarried?

The Doctor’s mother. Not likely. It would mean that either she’s a Time Lady or that the Doctor’s half human. And I don’t think they’re going to go there again. Plus, all the flirting would be just… ew.

Susan’s mother. She could be the Doctor’s daughter or daughter-in-law, but, as above with his mother, high squick factor.

Jenny. I suppose she could have regenerated and, um, changed her name, but, genetic anomaly aside, that’s also pretty squicky, though apparently David Tennant doesn’t think so.

Donna. Not very likely, but maybe, since she has a Time Lord brain, she regenerated, but, being human, it would destroy her, so she created a new identity, and had to repress the old one.

The Other Doctor and Rose’s daughter. Sure she’d have to cross into a different universe, but, since she’s the child of a half-Time Lord and the most specialest companion ever (shippers *rolls eyes*), it would be easy for her. And… kissing your half-human clone’s daughter isn’t gross, right?

Amy’s baby. There was a rumor of this going around the internet near the beginning of the season. While the source supposedly turned about to be untrue, you never know…

The glowy girl from the end of “Day of the Moon.” Seriously, what is up with her?

The TARDIS. Given the end of “Forrest of the Dead,” this seems like it would be beyond even Moffat’s level of timey-wimeyness. Plus, uh, didn’t they kind of do this in Neil Gaiman’s episode?

The Master’s and Lucy Saxon’s daughter. Hm, interesting. But the thought of the Master reproducing is just… wrong.

A female Doctor. Since “Forrest” pretty much ruled out a future regeneration, maybe she’s from a parallel universe. Kind of borrows from some of the spin-off books, but, hey, since a lot of people think she’s a rip-off of Benny Summerfield, why not throw some Iris Wildthyme in there, too?

The person in the space suit. She did say she was in jail because she killed a great man….

An agent of the Black Guardian. She’s been sent to bring the Doctor over to the side of chaos by tempting him with spoilers. Could be, but the Black Guardian hasn’t been mentioned in the series since 1983, I think, and we’d probably have some kind of hints if they were going to bring this villain back.

Jack’s daughter. Remember way back in Season 1 when they mention that the Face of Boe was pregnant? They do have similar personalities….

Rory with a sex change. Yes. Please. YES!

A Mary Sue created by Daleks. They’ve designed her to trap the Doctor and bring about his final destruction. Well… it’s what a lot of the fans think of her, so why not?

Obviously, some of those are more plausible than the others, but I am fairly certain that, come Saturday, we will find out that River Song is none other than....

Dr. Elizabeth Corday. Fits perfectly, doesn’t it?



*I may have made some of these up.

Hooray for... Aw, Who Cares

With the 83rd Annual Academy Awards on the horizon, I feel my Oscar enthusiasm at an all-time low, despite the hot competition this year. Really, I can barely muster the necessary sarcasm. So, while you're all arguing Social Network vs. King's Speech, I present to you

My Oscar Picks

Best Picture
Black Swan
The Fighter
Inception
The Kids Are All Right
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter's Bone
Winner: The King's Speech. I'll say this once: For nearly every time I pick this one, it could easily turn out to be The Social Network. However, if I had to pick, it would be this one, and I think the Academy would too, albeit for very different reasons.

Best Actor
Javier Bardem, Biutiful
Jeff Bridges, True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King's Speech
James Franco, 127 Hours
Winner: Colin Firth. Mr. Darcy FTW.

Best Actress
Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right
Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine
Winner: Natalie Portman. The Force is strong with this one. Yeah, I went there.

Best Supporting Actor
Christian Bale, The Fighter
John Hawkes, Winter's Bone
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech
Winner: Christian Bale. Dude, it would be so Batman if he won.

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter, The King's Speech
Melissa Leo, The Fighter
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom
Winner: Hailee Steinfeld. She totally owns this movie.

Best Director
Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan
David O. Russell, The Fighter
Tom Hooper, The King's Speech
David Fincher, The Social Network
Joel and Ethan Coen, True Grit
Winner: WHERE IS CHRISTOPHER FUCKING NOLAN?!?!?

Best Foreign Language Film
Mexico, Biutiful
Greece, Dogtooth
Denmark, In a Better World
Canada, Incendies
Algeria, Outside the Law (Hors-a-loi)
Winner: Biutiful

Best Animated Feature
How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist
Toy Story 3
Winner: The Illusionist. What could be more schmaltzy than Toy Story 3? How about paying homage to legendary French director Jacques Tati?

Best Cinematography
Black Swan
Inception
The King's Speech
The Social Network
True Grit
Winner: The King's Speech

Best Documentary Feature
Exit Through the Gift Shop
Gasland
Inside Job
Restrepo
Waste Land
Winner: Exit Through the Gift Shop. It's controversial, and you know they just want to trick Banksy into revealing himself.

Best Visual Effects
Alice in Wonderland
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
Hereafter
Inception
Iron Man 2
Winner: Inception. Let's face it, Nolan was probably snubbed because felt this film was too "flashy" or something, so he'd better not get shafted here, too.

Best Original Song
"Coming Home," Country Strong
"I See the Light," Tangled
"If I Rise," 127 Hours
"We Belong Together," Toy Story 3
Winner: "Coming Home." Really, not that many country songs have ever won.

Best Original Screenplay
Mike Leigh, Another Year
A Bunch of Dudes, The Fighter
Christopher Nolan, Inception
Lisa Cholodenko and Stuart Blumberg, The Kids Are All Right
David Seidler, The King's Speech
Winner: David Seidler. No competition with Social Network, here, so should be a clear victory.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Danny Boyle and Simon Beaufoy, 127 Hours
Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network
Disney Staffers, Toy Story 3
Joel and Ethan Cohen, True Grit
Debra Granik and Anne Rosellini, Winter's Bone
Winner: Aaron Sorkin. Again, Social Network's not competing with King's Speech, and, anyway, it's Aaron Sorkin for Christ's sake!

Best Film Editing
Black Swan
The Fighter
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Winner: The King's Speech

Best Original Score
How to Train Your Dragon
Inception
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Winner: The King's Speech

Best Art Direction
Alice in Wonderland
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
Inception
The King's Speech
True Grit
Winner: The King's Speech. That couch deserves a nomination in a supporting role. (Ha! Get it?)

Best Makeup
Barney's Version
The Way Back
The Wolfman
Winner: The Wolfman. Age makeup? So over it.

Best Costume Design
Alice in Wonderland
I Am Love
The King's Speech
The Tempest
True Grit
Winner: The King's Speech. Um, hello? Heritage film?

Best Sound Editing
Inception
Toy Story 3
Tron: Legacy
True Grit
Unstoppable
Winner: Inception.

Best Sound Mixing
Inception
The King's Speech
Salt
The Social Network
True Grit
Winner: The King's Speech. It's about a guy with a speech impediment, so, yeah, I'd say sound was important.

Note: I'm tired of picking the short categories at random. So I rolled dice.

Best Animated Short
"Day & Night" (2)
"The Gruffalo" (5)
"Let's Pollute" (8)
"The Lost Thing" (6)
"Madagascar, carnet du voyage (Madagascar, a Journey Diary)" (7)
Winner: "Let's Pollute." High roll.

Best Live Action Short
"The Confession" (6)
"The Crush" (9)
"God of Love" (10)
"Na Wewe" (3)
"Wish 143" (7)
Winner: "God of Love." High Roll.

Best Documentary Short
"Killing in the Name" (2)
"Poster Girl" (8)
"Strangers No More" (10)
"Sun Come Up" (2)
"The Warriors of Qiugang" (7)
Winner: "Strangers No More." High Roll.

Annual Arbitrary Oscar Predictions

Disclaimers: Ok, I suspect my subscribers know this already, but I hardly ever base my Oscar picks on any kind of knowledge or insight I've gained from my years studying film or my brief sojourn in Hollywood. Usually, I choose based on whether or not I can make a joke about why I chose it. And, since I only saw four new movies in 2009, this year's picks might be the most arbitrary yet!

The Noms Everyone Cares About

Best Picture

Avatar

The Blind Side

District 9

An Education

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire

A Serious Man

Up

Up in the Air

Why? I'm in an anti-Avatar mood, and how good can a movie really be if they have to tell you in the title what the source text is? Normally, I'd go with Tarantino, but that spelling just makes me cringe. Also, this new ten nominee thing is just stupid.

Best Actor

Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

George Clooney, Up in the Air

Colin Firth, A Single Man

Morgan Freeman, Invictus

Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker

Why? Because he's the Dude, that's why.

Best Actress

Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

Helen Mirren, The Last Station

Carey Mulligan, An Education

Gabourey Sidibe, Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire

Meryl Streep, Julie and Julia

Why? Sally Sparrow, FTW.

Best Supporting Actor

Matt Damon, Invictus

Woody Harrelson, The Messenger

Christopher Plummer, The Last Station

Stanely Tucci, The Lovely Bones

Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Why? Um... Gotta support my sort-of ex-boss??

Best Supporting Actress

Penelope Cruz, Nine

Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart

Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air

Mo'Nique, Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire

Why? Eanie, meanin, minie, Mo'nique. Normally, I'd pick Penelope Cruz, but I'm not sure how to feel about a musical remake of 8 1/2.

Best Director

James Cameron, Avatar

Katheryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

Lee Daniels, Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire

Jason Reitman, Up in the Air

Why? In case you've somehow managed to miss every single news report about the Oscar noms that have mentioned this (and they all have), Katheryn Bigelow is James Cameron's ex-wife. In the battle of the sexes, I back the girl. Plus, she didn't marry that drip from The Terminator who can't act.

The Noms I, At Least, Care About

Best Foreign Language Film

Ajami, Israel

El Secreto de Sus Ojos, Argentina

The Milk of Sorrow, Peru

Un Prophete [there's a missing accent mark on that first "e"], France

The White Ribbon, Germany*

Why? It's a Michael Haneke film. I'm slightly worried that if I don't pick it, mysterious video tapes will start appearing on my doorstep....

Best Animated Feature

Coraline

Fantastic Mr. Fox

The Princess and the Frog

The Secret of the Kells

Up

Why? All the animation experts I know (all two of them) think highly of this one.

Best Documentary Feature

Burma VJ

The Cove

Food, Inc.

The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers

Which Way Home

Why? Mmm... topical... *drools Homer Simpson-esquely*

Adapted Screenplay

Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell, District 9

Nick Hornby, An Education

Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche, In the Loop

Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire

Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air

Why? A movie about aliens that's supposed to be a political allegory... Sounds good to me. Someone remind me why I didn't see this? Oh, that's right, because grad school EATS ALL OF YOUR TIME.

Original Screenplay

Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker

Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

Alessandro Camon and Oren Moverman, The Messenger

Joel and Ethan Cohen, A Serious Man

A Bunch of People, Up

Why? Anyone notice what box-office record breaking movie isn't nominated? There's a reason for that...

Original Song

"Almost There," Randy Newman (The Princess and the Frog)

"Down in New Orleans," Randy Newman (The Princess and the Frog)

"Loin de Paname," music by Reinhardt Wagner, lyrics by Frank Thomas (Paris 36)

"Take It All," Maury Yeston (Nine)

"The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)," Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett (Crazy Heart)

Why? Disney's days of taking dominating the best song category are long gone. Also, I saw T Bone live and he ROCKS.

Well, Somebody Must Care....

Cinematography

Avatar

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

The White Ribbon

Why?? Finally, one I've seen!!!

Art Direction

Avatar

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Nine

Sherlock Holmes

The Young Victoria

Why? I've seen this one, too!!! Oh, and it was awesomely steampunk.

Visual Effects

Avatar

District 9

Star Trek

Why? If you have to ask why, just stay under that rock you've been living beneath.

Original Score

Avatar

Fantastic Mr. Fox

The Hurt Locker

Sherlock Holmes

Up

Why? Does Robert Downey, Jr., being really awesome in it count as reason enough for this category?

Film Editing

Avatar

District 9

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire

Why? *Shrugs*

Sound Editing

Avatar

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

Star Trek

Up

Why? Here's the better question: Why wasn't this nominated for Best Picture? This was definitely the best movie I've seen this year. (Remember I've only seen four....)

Sound Mixing

Avatar

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

Star Trek

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Why? Sound Mixing and Sound Editing. Can you really have one without the other? Fun fact: despite having taken a class on film sound last year, I still don't understand what the difference between these two awards is.

Costume Design

Bright Star

Coco Before Channel

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Nine

The Young Victoria

Why? It's a movie about fashion. Maybe, just maybe, it's got a chance at winning.

Makeup

Il Divo

Star Trek

The Young Victoria

Why? One word: Romulans.

What, There's More???

Live Action Short

The Door

Instead of Abracadabra

Kavi

Miracle Fish

The New Tenants

Why? Say the magic word!

Documentary Short

China's Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province

The Last Campaign of Booth Gardner

The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant

Music by Prudence

Rabbit a la Berlin

Why? Always pick the one with the most topical-sounding title.

Animated Short

French Roast

Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty

The Lady and the Reaper (La Dame y la Muerte)

Logorama

A Matter of Loaf and Death

Why? The title made me laugh.

*I started to type "Michael Haneke" as the country. Ironically, it would probably have made more sense had I left it that way.