Hooray for... Aw, Who Cares

With the 83rd Annual Academy Awards on the horizon, I feel my Oscar enthusiasm at an all-time low, despite the hot competition this year. Really, I can barely muster the necessary sarcasm. So, while you're all arguing Social Network vs. King's Speech, I present to you

My Oscar Picks

Best Picture
Black Swan
The Fighter
Inception
The Kids Are All Right
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter's Bone
Winner: The King's Speech. I'll say this once: For nearly every time I pick this one, it could easily turn out to be The Social Network. However, if I had to pick, it would be this one, and I think the Academy would too, albeit for very different reasons.

Best Actor
Javier Bardem, Biutiful
Jeff Bridges, True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King's Speech
James Franco, 127 Hours
Winner: Colin Firth. Mr. Darcy FTW.

Best Actress
Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right
Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine
Winner: Natalie Portman. The Force is strong with this one. Yeah, I went there.

Best Supporting Actor
Christian Bale, The Fighter
John Hawkes, Winter's Bone
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech
Winner: Christian Bale. Dude, it would be so Batman if he won.

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter, The King's Speech
Melissa Leo, The Fighter
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom
Winner: Hailee Steinfeld. She totally owns this movie.

Best Director
Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan
David O. Russell, The Fighter
Tom Hooper, The King's Speech
David Fincher, The Social Network
Joel and Ethan Coen, True Grit
Winner: WHERE IS CHRISTOPHER FUCKING NOLAN?!?!?

Best Foreign Language Film
Mexico, Biutiful
Greece, Dogtooth
Denmark, In a Better World
Canada, Incendies
Algeria, Outside the Law (Hors-a-loi)
Winner: Biutiful

Best Animated Feature
How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist
Toy Story 3
Winner: The Illusionist. What could be more schmaltzy than Toy Story 3? How about paying homage to legendary French director Jacques Tati?

Best Cinematography
Black Swan
Inception
The King's Speech
The Social Network
True Grit
Winner: The King's Speech

Best Documentary Feature
Exit Through the Gift Shop
Gasland
Inside Job
Restrepo
Waste Land
Winner: Exit Through the Gift Shop. It's controversial, and you know they just want to trick Banksy into revealing himself.

Best Visual Effects
Alice in Wonderland
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
Hereafter
Inception
Iron Man 2
Winner: Inception. Let's face it, Nolan was probably snubbed because felt this film was too "flashy" or something, so he'd better not get shafted here, too.

Best Original Song
"Coming Home," Country Strong
"I See the Light," Tangled
"If I Rise," 127 Hours
"We Belong Together," Toy Story 3
Winner: "Coming Home." Really, not that many country songs have ever won.

Best Original Screenplay
Mike Leigh, Another Year
A Bunch of Dudes, The Fighter
Christopher Nolan, Inception
Lisa Cholodenko and Stuart Blumberg, The Kids Are All Right
David Seidler, The King's Speech
Winner: David Seidler. No competition with Social Network, here, so should be a clear victory.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Danny Boyle and Simon Beaufoy, 127 Hours
Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network
Disney Staffers, Toy Story 3
Joel and Ethan Cohen, True Grit
Debra Granik and Anne Rosellini, Winter's Bone
Winner: Aaron Sorkin. Again, Social Network's not competing with King's Speech, and, anyway, it's Aaron Sorkin for Christ's sake!

Best Film Editing
Black Swan
The Fighter
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Winner: The King's Speech

Best Original Score
How to Train Your Dragon
Inception
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Winner: The King's Speech

Best Art Direction
Alice in Wonderland
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
Inception
The King's Speech
True Grit
Winner: The King's Speech. That couch deserves a nomination in a supporting role. (Ha! Get it?)

Best Makeup
Barney's Version
The Way Back
The Wolfman
Winner: The Wolfman. Age makeup? So over it.

Best Costume Design
Alice in Wonderland
I Am Love
The King's Speech
The Tempest
True Grit
Winner: The King's Speech. Um, hello? Heritage film?

Best Sound Editing
Inception
Toy Story 3
Tron: Legacy
True Grit
Unstoppable
Winner: Inception.

Best Sound Mixing
Inception
The King's Speech
Salt
The Social Network
True Grit
Winner: The King's Speech. It's about a guy with a speech impediment, so, yeah, I'd say sound was important.

Note: I'm tired of picking the short categories at random. So I rolled dice.

Best Animated Short
"Day & Night" (2)
"The Gruffalo" (5)
"Let's Pollute" (8)
"The Lost Thing" (6)
"Madagascar, carnet du voyage (Madagascar, a Journey Diary)" (7)
Winner: "Let's Pollute." High roll.

Best Live Action Short
"The Confession" (6)
"The Crush" (9)
"God of Love" (10)
"Na Wewe" (3)
"Wish 143" (7)
Winner: "God of Love." High Roll.

Best Documentary Short
"Killing in the Name" (2)
"Poster Girl" (8)
"Strangers No More" (10)
"Sun Come Up" (2)
"The Warriors of Qiugang" (7)
Winner: "Strangers No More." High Roll.

How to Get Into Bowie

The other night, I was YouTube-ing interviews with Venture Brothers creators Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer. In one of them, Hammer advised a fan on where he should start if he wanted to get into Bowie's albums. Now, these guys are the biggest Bowie fans in animation*, but I found myself disagreeing with a lot of what he had to say.

Now, if I were trying to get someone into Bowie, this is how I'd do it. Before we begin, let's be clear on one thing: this isn't for someone who thinks of Bowie as "that old guy Lady Gaga's always talking about." Anyone going through this process should already be familiar with the greatest hits and should be wondering where to start on the albums. So let's begin.

Step 1: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars and Hunky Dory

These are without a doubt his two best albums, so naturally they'd be the best place to start. But there are other good reasons to begin here. I'm having you initiates start with Ziggy Stardust because, after nearly forty years, it's his best known work. Despite the reputation of being "rock's chameleon," we still tend to characterize Bowie as that androgynous rock star from outer space. Next, go back one album and listen to Hunky Dory, which I think is the better (if only slightly) of the two. It's important to hear this one early not only because of its quality, but because, with its different musical styles, it's practically Bowie's career in microcosm. It's all about "Ch-ch-ch-Changes", right? And, also, "Life on Mars?" is made of win.

Like what you've heard so far? Be sure to pick up the highlights of the Ziggy period before moving on. Listen to Aladdin Sane (another strong album) and Live Santa Monica 72 and watch D. A. Pennebaker's documentary Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.

Step 2: Diamond Dogs

We've moved past Ziggy Stardust here, but we're still in our glam rock comfort zone. (You'll recognize "Rebel Rebel.") This concept album loosely based on 1984 should be a good introduction to a more soulful sound as well as heavier stuff to come.

Think you're ready to move on? Be sure to check out David Live and Young Americans so you can get a better sense of the whole "plastic soul" thing before you do so. And track down a bootleg of Cracked Actor for some cocaine-fueled craziness. Trust me, you'll need it for where we're going next.

Step 3: Station to Station

Experimentation doesn't get much more complex than on the epic title track, but this is a much more complex album than the one that preceded it. And hoo-boy is it dark! "It's not the side effects of the cocaine," he sings, but I'm thinking that it might be. This is a weird little (only six tracks) album, albeit a very good one. Seriously, don't skip it.

Not storing your urine in the fridge, are you? Good, then before you move on, listen to Live Nassau Coliseum 76 (available on the special and deluxe editions of Station and as a bootleg) and check him out in The Man Who Fell to Earth. Keep an open mind; it's "arty."

Step 4: Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)

Note: If you feel you can handle more experimental stuff, by all means feel free to keep things chronological and skip ahead to Step 5.

This album emerged after a period of intense experimentation, so it's sort-of like he figured out how to use all the weird shit he and Brian Eno did in a way people would actually want to listen to. But don't think of it as an exercise in crass commercialism. It is as fresh and vibrant as and holds up very well next to all the stuff the New Wave kids were also doing in 1980. Many critics and fans alike call Scary Monsters Bowie's last good album, though that's debatable. Not that it's a good album, that it's his last good album.

Still with me? Iron your clown suit and watch a couple of his "better"** 80s roles--Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence and The Hunger (the first act, anyway--after that it pretty much sucks)--before we move back a few albums.

Step 5: Low and "Heroes"

At the time, these albums were considered highly experimental. Now that their electronic techniques have been widely adopted, they don't come off quite as shocking, though they are by no means dated. What might be a turn-off for some is that they both feature album sides that are almost entirely instrumental. But don't let that stop you from giving these two a listen. The Side 2's feature some very moving pieces, and there are great songs on the Side 1's, including "'Heroes,'" considered Bowie's best by everyone who doesn't favor "Life on Mars?"

Haven't gotten stuck on the wrong side of the Wall without a passport, have you? Then be sure to listen to Lodger and Stage (look for the version where the track order's been fixed) before continuing on to the next step.

Step 6: Heathen and Hours...

Stop! Those of you who skipped to Step 5, have you gone back to pick up Step 4? Okay, then you may proceed.

Next, we're going to move ahead to what likely is the end of Bowie's career. But, hey, it's not a bad end. First, listen to Heathen, which holds up well to all the albums I've had you listen to already while still being thoroughly modern. Next listen to Hours... which despite poor reviews when it came out, has grown on many fans with age.

Are you ready to retire? If not, listen to Reality (good songs, but not as coherent as the other two) and watch A Reality Tour and The Prestige.

Step 7: The weird stuff. This has two parts, which can be done in any order.

Step 7a: Space Oddity and The Man Who Sold the World

Bowie's psychedelic folkie period. Though the title tracks have become Bowie classics, some of the other songs are a bit of an acquired taste. Especially if, in the case of the latter, psychedelic folk/hard rock fusion isn't exactly your thing.

Step 7b: Earthling and 1. Outside

Bowie's 90s experimental phase. I'm having you start with Earthling, though it's not as strong an album as the other, because it's more accessible. Underneath all the drum 'n' bass stuff are some pretty good songs. 1. Outside, on the other hand, is a concept album, or, rather, a "non-linear Gothic Drama Hyper-Cycle." It's the first in a series of three albums about a detective looking into the disappearance of a teenage girl who's being murdered for Art... that's not told in any particular order... or finished, for that matter. But other than that it's really good! I'm serious. You've gotta hear it. Just... not at night. It's really creepy.

Are you now terrified of those citizens of the land between Canada and Mexico? Or ready to pack it all in and join a Buddhist monastery? If not, proceed to the next step.

Step 8: Let's Dance

The first time Bowie's music actually found favor with a mainstream audience. Much debate among fans and music critics over whether this is actually a good album or if its popularity was supported by a couple of hit singles with interesting music videos.

Do you find yourself forgiving Bowie his commercial sins, even after you've also watched Labyrinth and the Serious Moonlight tour documentary? Congratualtions, you are now truly into Bowie. And while you're at it, have a Pepsi.

Take a victory lap. Listen to some rare stuff like Sound + Vision or Bowie at the Beeb and check out some of his soundtrack work such as The Buddha of Suburbia.

Or, for the brave, check out the more dubious albums: David Bowie (cabaret???), Pin Ups, Tonight, Never Let Me Down, Black Tie White Noise (Okay, some people liked it), and the whole Tin Machine debacle. And there are plenty of really bad film roles to check out. (Absolute Beginners, anyone?)







*Bigger than the Sponge Bob people, you ask? Let's see... 1) The Sovereign, head of The Guild of Calamitous Intent and most powerful, least failure-prone character in the series, is none other than David Bowie. 2) The episode "Ghosts of the Sargasso" opens with characters basically acting out "Space Oddity," dialogue lifted straight from the song. 3) Tons and tons of other Bowie references. So, yes.
**Labyrinth rules!!!

New Years Resolutions

We all make 'em, we all break 'em. I believe that it's because we resolve to do things that we cannot or, deep down, do not want to achieve. Sure, I could resolve to be a better person (too vague), lose weight (bacon's too tasty), or quit smoking (I'd have to start first), but what would be the point? Just because I say I'm going to do it on New Years, doesn't mean that I'd have the will to keep up that resolution all year.

So this year, I will pick a New Years resolution that I know I can keep, because I want to keep it. And also, because there is no work involved. Well, no work that isn't fun, I should say.

This upcoming year, 2011, I resolve to read the following books:

• The Neverending Story by Michael Ende
• Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
• A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
• The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett
• Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
• Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon
• The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
  
• Life by Keith Richards
• Nothing Left to Burn by Jay Varner
• Doctor Who: The Writer's Tale by Russel T. Davies
• A History of Britain Vol I by Simon Sharma
• The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan

Why twelve? Well, there's twelve months in a year, so one book a month seems a sensible goal. Though it's not like I can't read them all at once if I want to, or, for that matter, won't read anything else. Anyway, I've picked mostly books that I've bought and haven't yet got around to reading. It looks like a nice mix of fiction from the classics (Bronte) to the contemporary (Pynchon), non-fiction from the culturally relevant (Friedan) to my personal interests (Davies), and memoir from the highly literary (Varner) to the questionably accurate (Richards). And of course, lots of sci-fi/fantasy.

So, to those of you who have trouble keeping your New Years resolutions, why don't you join me in my experiment. Come up with your own list of 12 books to read next year. Or vow to see a play or visit a different gallery every month. Go to 12 concerts of performers you've never heard of. Watch 12 foreign films or silent classics. And so on.

These may not exactly be "conventional" New Years resolutions, but art can improve and enrich our lives just as much as diet and exercise.

What Have I Been Doing for the Past Month?

More details to follow.

British Actor of the Month--Halloween Edition

I haven't blogged for months, and let's not even mention how long it's been since I've done British Actor of the Month, so I thought I'd better do one now before I get caught up in NaNoWriMo. And, who better to, shall we say, bring this feature back from the grave than

Christopher Lee

Lee will forever be remembered for playing the eponymous Count in Hammer Studios series of Dracula movies. The first film, a Technicolor reboot of Universal's take on Stoker's novel, was good though a little campy. The sequels get exponentially cheesier, but Lee's performance, which finds the right blend of suave, sexy sophistication and mise en mastication, saves the films from being really bad instead of just pretty bad. The chemistry between him and real life BFF Peter Cushing as Van Helsing in several of the films is the highlight of the series.

However, Lee played other villains for Hammer as well, including the Creature in Curse of Frankenstein and the Mummy in, well, I'm sure you can figure that one out. But, arguably, his best role (and Hammer's best film) was in the cult classic The Wicker Man where he played the affably evil (or morally gray area-ed, depending on your point of view) Lord Summerile, leader of a Scottish island that still follows the old ways.

Contemporary audience might recognize Lee from his role as Saruman in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. That's cool in and of itself, but Lee is a huge LotR fan himself since he reads it at least once a year and has actually met Tolkien. Now that's some serious nerd cred!

Normally I'm loathe to admit that the Star Wars prequels exist, but I have to mention Lee's role as Count Dooku (An evil count whose name begins with "D." I wonder where they got that idea?) in Episode II and III. Which is pretty cool in and of itself, but it gets cooler when you find out he did his own sword, er, light-saber work. And did I mention that he was in his 80s when he made the last movie?

Sure, you probably know that Lee played Bond villain Francisco Scaramanga in The Man with the Golden Gun, but did you know that he was in a super-secret special ops unit in World War II? Or that his cousin is Ian Fleming? That's right, Christopher Lee may very well be the real-life inspiration for James Bond.

Finally, Lee has one of the most distinctive voices in cinema. His rich, commanding tones have made him a voice-over staple for cartoons and video games like Kingdom Hearts. Plus, it makes him easy to spot in his many Tim Burton cameos and adds that little something extra to all the roles listed above. Apparently, he can sing, too, and has recorded a heavy metal concept album.

I'd like to wish all my readers a happy Halloween. Whether you're out trick-or-treating or bar crawling this night, stay safe. Don't accidentally cut yourself and bleed on unconsecrated ground. You never know who--or what--may have been staked there.

Banned Books Week will soon be upon us again. Restricting access to books and other works of art is one of the sneakiest--and most dangerous--attacks on your freedom. Here is the ALA's new list of the 100 most challenged books of the last decade.

1 Harry Potter (series), by J.K. Rowling
2 Alice series, by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
3 The Chocolate War, by Robert Cormier
4 And Tango Makes Three, by Justin Richardson/Peter Parnell
5 Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck
6 I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, by Maya Angelou
7 Scary Stories (series), by Alvin Schwartz
8 His Dark Materials (series), by Philip Pullman
9 TTYL; TTFN; L8R, G8R (series), by Myracle, Lauren
10 The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky
11 Fallen Angels, by Walter Dean Myers
12 It’s Perfectly Normal, by Robie Harris
13 Captain Underpants (series), by Dav Pilkey
14 The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain
15 The Bluest Eye, by Toni Morrison
16 Forever, by Judy Blume
17 The Color Purple, by Alice Walker
18 Go Ask Alice, by Anonymous
19 Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
20 King and King, by Linda de Haan
21 To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
22 Gossip Girl (series), by Cecily von Ziegesar
23 The Giver, by Lois Lowry
24 In the Night Kitchen, by Maurice Sendak
25 Killing Mr. Griffen, by Lois Duncan
26 Beloved, by Toni Morrison
27 My Brother Sam Is Dead, by James Lincoln Collier
28 Bridge To Terabithia, by Katherine Paterson
29 The Face on the Milk Carton, by Caroline B. Cooney
30 We All Fall Down, by Robert Cormier
31 What My Mother Doesn’t Know, by Sonya Sones
32 Bless Me, Ultima, by Rudolfo Anaya
33 Snow Falling on Cedars, by David Guterson
34 The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big, Round Things, by Carolyn Mackler
35 Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging, by Louise Rennison
36 Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
37 It’s So Amazing, by Robie Harris
38 Arming America, by Michael Bellasiles
39 Kaffir Boy, by Mark Mathabane
40 Life is Funny, by E.R. Frank
41 Whale Talk, by Chris Crutcher
42 The Fighting Ground, by Avi
43 Blubber, by Judy Blume
44 Athletic Shorts, by Chris Crutcher
45 Crazy Lady, by Jane Leslie Conly
46 Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut
47 The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby, by George Beard
48 Rainbow Boys, by Alex Sanchez
49 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, by Ken Kesey
50 The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini
51 Daughters of Eve, by Lois Duncan
52 The Great Gilly Hopkins, by Katherine Paterson
53 You Hear Me?, by Betsy Franco
54 The Facts Speak for Themselves, by Brock Cole
55 Summer of My German Soldier, by Bette Green
56 When Dad Killed Mom, by Julius Lester
57 Blood and Chocolate, by Annette Curtis Klause
58 Fat Kid Rules the World, by K.L. Going
59 Olive’s Ocean, by Kevin Henkes
60 Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson
61 Draw Me A Star, by Eric Carle
62 The Stupids (series), by Harry Allard
63 The Terrorist, by Caroline B. Cooney
64 Mick Harte Was Here, by Barbara Park
65 The Things They Carried, by Tim O’Brien
66 Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, by Mildred Taylor
67 A Time to Kill, by John Grisham
68 Always Running, by Luis Rodriguez
69 Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
70 Harris and Me, by Gary Paulsen
71 Junie B. Jones (series), by Barbara Park
72 Song of Solomon, by Toni Morrison
73 What’s Happening to My Body Book, by Lynda Madaras
74 The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold
75 Anastasia (series), by Lois Lowry
76 A Prayer for Owen Meany, by John Irving
77 Crazy: A Novel, by Benjamin Lebert
78 The Joy of Gay Sex, by Dr. Charles Silverstein
79 The Upstairs Room, by Johanna Reiss
80 A Day No Pigs Would Die, by Robert Newton Peck
81 Black Boy, by Richard Wright
82 Deal With It!, by Esther Drill
83 Detour for Emmy, by Marilyn Reynolds
84 So Far From the Bamboo Grove, by Yoko Watkins
85 Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes, by Chris Crutcher
86 Cut, by Patricia McCormick
87 Tiger Eyes, by Judy Blume
88 The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood
89 Friday Night Lights, by H.G. Bissenger
90 A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeline L’Engle
91 Julie of the Wolves, by Jean Graighead George
92 The Boy Who Lost His Face, by Louis Sachar
93 Bumps in the Night, by Harry Allard
94 Goosebumps (series), by R.L. Stine
95 Shade’s Children, by Garth Nix
96 Grendel, by John Gardner
97 The House of the Spirits, by Isabel Allende
98 I Saw Esau, by Iona Opte
99 Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret, by Judy Blume
100 America: A Novel, by Frank, E.R.

If you want to raise awareness, copy this list and, like I did, bold the one's you've read. Or review/defend one of the books. Or read or reread a title or two.

33 1/3 Great Things About Vinyl

Go to any indie record store or one of the better chain places, and it appears that vinyl l.p.s are making a comeback. (Though, as L L Cool J would say....) Here are approximately 33 1/3 reasons to celebrate the new vinyl revolution.

• You really have to listen to them. Even if you just put a record on to listen to while you're cleaning house or something, you still need to pay attention to know when to lift the stylus and flip it over. (Ed. note: I have since been told that those turntables with an "auto" setting will lift the stylus before it hits the paper part. However, if you're using your grandma's old record player, then there's a good chance that setting doesn't work anymore. And besides, the point about turning it over still stands.)
• At about a foot square, the album cover itself can be a work of art in its own right, and, in fact, many of the most iconic images of modern popular music are from album covers. Cds shrunk the artwork so that it was kind of pointless to design something interesting. And digital downloads have all but made the album cover irrelevant.
• And, thanks to the larger size, you can include cool extras like posters in the packaging. I know sometimes you can get them with cds, but in that case you either have to by the expensive boxed set or have them folded up really small.
• Song order really matters. Because of that break in the middle, you have to choose not only what would make the best beginning and ending song, but how side one will end and two begin. Thus, there is more often than not greater variety in the song order than in a lot of cds that just put all the hits on the earlier tracks and fill the rest out with any old trash. (Though, it should be noted, that there are still plenty of artists--some of them young even--who try to put some thought into sequencing their albums.)
• The mixing is way better. Notice how loud that cd you just bought sounds? Back in the day when they made records on vinyl, the engineers actually understood that not everything should be the same volume.
• No need for the remix. A lot of albums were very hastily and carelessly transfered to digital format, resulting in a rather muddy sound quality. Now, a lot of cds have been remixed or remastered to try to recapture the quality of the originals, but the problem is that the record companies have used this as an excuse to jack up the prices.
• The overall sound quality is better. The process of a vinyl record: the sound waves are recorded on electronic tape, a mechanism reads the waves and presses it into a vinyl disc, then the needle reads those waves and sends them to your speaker. So you're pretty much hearing the same sounds as were made in the studio. Digital recording: a computer records the sound waves as a series of ones and zeros, and then the computer in your cd player tells the speakers what sounds to make. Because the sound waves are binary code, they will come infinitely close to the original, but cannot fully reproduce it. Sound like that's too small of a difference to really matter? Compare a cd and an l.p. of the same album. More than likely the latter will sound fuller, more alive.
• Vinyl records are a more participatory experience. The process of actually playing one is far more involved than a cd (let alone an MP3 player!), and they require further maintenance and care.
• You can watch the record go 'round and 'round as it plays. I know, it sounds like something you'd only do if you were really stoned, but here me out. If you want to listen, I mean really listen to music, then it helps you concentrate if your eyes have something to focus on.
• There's the nostalgia factor. Sure, it's easy to call vinylphiles a bunch of Luddites, but when you listen to a record, it's like you're part of a living history. Slap on your parents' Pet Sounds and you're hearing a little slice of 1966.
• And then there's the cool factor. There's just something impressive about someone with a lot of vinyl. Besides, you aren't really a hipster if you don't own a copy of White Light/White Heat on vinyl. (Preferably bought at an indie record store.)
• Vinyl records, properly stored, have outlived first generation cds. Whereas compact discs actually decay, vinyl records just wear out because you've played them too much. But then you can frame the cover and hang it on your wall.
• They're kind of fragile so it's a little risky buying them online. So it's probably better to go to an acutal physical store. Which is good, because then you might get to know the store's employees and other customers.
• Online music purchase (whether iTunes or Amazon) isn't really good for browsing. But, if you have to go to a store, given the right mood, you can spend hours just looking at what they've got. And there's nothing more enjoyable than a leisurely flip through a bin of records.
• Vinyl records aren't nearly as portable as cassettes, cds, and MP3s. Normally, that would be a bad thing, but look at it this way. If you have to be in proximity to the actual apparatus, there's not as much that can distract you from giving the record a good listen.
• To combat the portability problem, there are some turntables that allow you to copy records onto either cassette or cd. Some even come with a USB port to allow you to load them onto your computer.
• In the future, it's quite possible that records could be issued with a code to download a digital copy, if, in fact, they aren't already.
• We wouldn't have certain genres of music like hip-hop or house without vinyl records.
• Vinyl records are also highly collectable, what with all the bootlegs, Japanese imports, and outdated greatest hits collections that never received a cd rerelease. Sure, there are limited release and special edition cds and download offers, but what's the fun of hunting something down when you can just have someone burn you a copy?
• And they're great for showing off your collection, too. As was mentioned before, the covers are big enough to frame and display, and you need shelving to hold them all. You can't very well leave your MP3 collection lying around for people to look at, now can you?
• You can physically manipulate a vinyl record while playing it. Which means you can have all sorts of fun "scratching" or changing the speed to make them sound like chipmunks.
• As Shaun and Ed proved, you can use them to kill zombies.
• Cuing a record is really hard, but being able to master it improves your concentration skills tenfold.
• They're recyclable! The Jamaican record industry still releases singles on 45s so that, if they don't sell, they can recall the extras, melt them down, and repress them as a new single.
• When singles used to be released on 45s, the artist wasn't necessarily obligated to fill out an entire album just for people to hear it. Similarly, if you just liked that one song by an artist, you didn't have to buy the whole album to here it they way you do with cds. Now, download services have done a lot to bring the single back, but there's a new problem. Everything can be bought as a single, including some songs that don't really stand on their own.
• When singles were on vinyl, they had B-sides. Usually, these were just throw-away songs, but occasionally a classic song would wind up there. "I Will Survive," "Maggie May," "La Bamba"? All B-sides. With singles today only releasing one song, who knows what hidden greats are slipping through the cracks.
• They have an aura in the Benjaminian sense. Those clicks, pops, and skips are traces that the record has been owned and played.
• Also, as an analogue recording, they are an indexical sign of the recording session.
• Because there's a break in the middle, you don't have to commit to listening to the whole thing in one sitting.
• And because you can stack them up, you can create relationships between parts of different collections that you can't with a cd changer.
• Since it's harder to cue, it's easier to see an album side as a unified whole as opposed to a bunch of unconnected songs.
• However, as a listener you still have choice--Sides One and Two are merely suggestions; you choose where to begin listening.
• Since so many people have bought into the myth that digital is better, they tend to give their records away cheaply--if not for free. You can make some really great vinyl finds at garage sales or, for the more daring, going dumpster diving.

Ok, so I'm 1/3 short. You try coming up with a fraction of a reason.